Idealcrap

It only seems kinky the first time

July 1, 2009

Hitler, soft 17’s and Michael Jackson

by @ 3:53 am. Filed under My life

Idealcrap, “Aren’t you tired of playing yet?”

 

Player, “No, why?”

 

Idealcrap, “Because I’m tired of dealing to you.”

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved getting stiffed by you for the first six hours of my shift but now the whole act is getting old.

 

Many of you have asked me about the now (in)famous video that someone made and posted on YouTube.  I was going to link to it here and talk about it but the video has been removed from the websites.  If anyone has a copy of it can you please email it to me?  If I can find a copy of the video I will revisit the issue.  I do need to say that the work is not mine.  Also, I don’t know who the author is.

 

As some of you may have heard, Michael Jackson is died the other day.  I understand this is a world wide tragedy but I just can’t seem to care.  Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the genius of his work but to me he’s a just another pedophile. 

 

I have a buddy who I will call Hamlet.  We were having this discussion in the break room the other day and Hamlet pointed out that Jackson had never been convicted in court.  Now, Hamlet has never allowed logic to get in the way of a good argument but really.  O.J. didn’t murder anyone either.  I don’t know why anyone would think there was something wrong with Jackson; after all, he comes across as such a normal guy.

 

OMD and I were in Hollywood for a couple of days last week and it’s striking how much different the two properties are.  I’ve been critical of how sterile the Tampa property is.  If you haven’t seen the Hollywood property it’s hard to compare.  That’s my fault because I was just down there and didn’t take pictures for you.  I think I’m going to be back down there in a couple of weeks and I will take tons of pictures for you.

 

The Hollywood property is first class all the way.  The biggest and most striking difference is Paradise.  For those of you that haven’t been there, Paradise is the name of the outdoor mall located on the property.  The mall has shops, bars, and restaurants.  They have created a place so hot that Miami clubs have actually closed and moved to Paradise.  This has made the Hard Rock THE place to be in the area.  We have the same opportunity here in Tampa.  There are some great clubs in Tampa but nothing that couldn’t be matched by Hard Rock if the effort was put out.

 

Next is the property its self.  The Hollywood property has character.  It’s hard to explain but walking into the Hard Rock Hollywood is much more impressive.  I don’t understand why the Tampa property is so sterile when they did such a great job on Hollywood.

 

I don’t know why I bring this up but it was the most obvious thing.  OMD, who had never been to the Hollywood property, commented on it as soon as she walked in.

 

Also, as a customer, it take entirely too long to get a drink.  I think we played for about 2 hours and we got drinks in that time.  We ordered a drink every time the cocktail waitress came by and that was at 2 am.  Other then that, from a customer standpoint the property was nice.

 

Speaking of the property from a customer point of view I have to address this whole soft 17 thing that starts tomorrow.  This is a bad idea.  I’m trying to wrap my head around this but I can’t.  I think it’s flat out stupid to have different rules in different pits but we did the same think at Treasure Island in Las Vegas so that isn’t as strange at it may seem at first blush.  However, we only had a different rule in the high limit pit; not in 3 out of the 8 pits.

 

But the main reason I think it’s a bad idea is the message it sends to the players.  Let’s take an honest look at some of the things we do for our players.

 

  1. We charge for drinks.  Not only that, we charge them bar prices.  I think this is ridiculous.  The only reason we charge bar prices for drinks is because we can.  This is the wrong reason.  Liquor should not be a money maker for a casino.
  2. We make them play limits above what is normal for a local casino.  Don’t get me wrong, I like not having to deal 5 dollar blackjack but it doesn’t send the right message.
  3. We don’t comp anyone for anything.  I don’t pretend to know a lot about the comping policy of most casinos but it would seem that we are pretty stingy with our comps.
  4. Now we are starting to hit soft 17’s.  I will have to look it up but I believe this equals an edge to the house of less then one percent.  I realize this is a huge edge over the course of year but it seems to me like we are chipping away everywhere we can.

 

Without going into all the silliness around having different rules in different pits let’s step back and take a look at the message this sends.  You are basically telling your customers we are going to take single edge we can because you can’t go anywhere else.  Players aren’t that dumb.  In an age of The Google, anyone can go online and find out what the true odds of the change are.

 

Let’s be real; the edge means next to nothing for a player in actual game play.  However, when you consider that players will be able to Pit 3 and play with better odds, out of show, and for the same 25 dollars a hand, you’re changing the rules just because you can.  This is bad policy.

 

When you have a monopoly you should have a moral obligation not to take advantage of the situation.  I now that morals have very little to do with casinos but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do the right thing.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Just for fun, the best Jackson joke I’ve heard so far goes like this: McDonalds has announced it will have a tribute burger to Michael Jackson.  It will be a 50 year old piece of meat on 12 year old buns.

 

The runner up joke is: During the autopsy the coroner opened up Jackson and found Tinker Bell.

 

Oh, I almost forgot, Billy Mays died too.  I’m glad I’m not a celebrity because it seems they’re dropping like flies.  No truth the rumors that at the time of death the doctor said, “But wait, there’s more!!”

 

OK, that’s all the jokes I’ve got at 3:51 in the morning.

 

Peace, love and good happiness stuff.

 

Matt

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June 20, 2009

I hate stiffs.

by @ 5:12 am. Filed under Casino Info, My life

So I’m going to tell you this story and you’re not going to believe.  I don’t blame you; if it hadn’t happened to me I wouldn’t believe it either.  This is actually all my fault.  As you all know I have a theory that when my life is going great I turn into a one man walking dump truck.  So here goes my story.

 

A woman walks up to my table around 11:00 and buys in for 200 dollars.  Around 1:00 she is up to about 1400 beating 25 to 45 dollars a hand.  About this time I decide it’s time for the soft hustle.  It normally wouldn’t take me this long but I had someone from the Tribe in the pit tonight so I had to be on my best behavior.  She tells me with a straight face, “When I get to 2000 I will tip you.”  I give her my best, “you have to be fucking kidding me face,” and decide to ignore the comment and move on.

 

Since I can’t win a bet she gets to 2000 about an hour later.  She makes a big announcement about this and then puts me up for a nickel.  Of course, I lose.  She then tells me, “See, I told you I would tip you.”  That is the last bet she made for me.  She was still there when I left.

 

I think we should be allowed to tell people like this that they are the reason dealers are alcoholics.  I’m sitting here with six fingers of Ketel One and just now getting over it.  I know I shouldn’t let people get to me like this but I can’t help it.  I’ve started to put people in two groups; stiffs and tippers.  I know I should be above this but I’m not.  I’m just not one of those dealers that can be nice to everybody.  I know this makes me a bad dealer and I’m trying to change but when I meet people like this I have to keep my mouth shut or I will say something to them that will get me fired.

 

OK, I feel better.

 

Peace, love and good happiness stuff.

 

Matt

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June 19, 2009

Slurpee’s and slavery

by @ 5:39 am. Filed under My life

The other day a certain female who I’m not allowed to write about pointed out that the inside of my truck smelled.  I’ve written about my truck in the past and everyone knows that I love my truck.  I think it smells like 13 years of blood, sweat and memories.  She says it smells like old socks.  I didn’t give this much thought until I was presented with something that looked like a can of cat food and was told to open it and put it under my seat.  I did, and then immediately forgot about it.

 

The next day I climbed into my truck and BAM; my truck smells like a cherry Slurpee.  What the fack?  Now I can’t get the smell out.

 

Today, or yesterday now, the U.S. Senate passed a bill apologizing for that whole slavery thing 300 years ago.  Now, no offense, but don’t they have better things to be doing.  I’m not suggesting that slavery wasn’t bad but aren’t we over this?  At the risk of sounding snarky, why should I care?  Seriously, I don’t know anybody that was a slave, I don’t know anybody that owed a slave; I don’t even know anyone that knows someone that owned a slave.

 

SLAVERY ENDED 250 YEARS AGO.

 

I actually tried it out today at work.  I walked up to one of my black friends and said, “Dude, I’m sorry.”

 

“Sorry for what?”

 

“That whole slavery thing.  My bad.”

 

“What are you talking about you silly cracker?”

 

OK, that conversation didn’t really happen but I’ll bet that’s how it would have gone down.

 

Psychologists call this historical guilt.  It’s more apparent in modern day Germany where they are still haunted by the Holocaust that was perpetrated by their government.  The reason it’s more understood in this context is the presence of people affected by the Holocaust.  I’ve actually met two survivors; they are real to me.  It’s easy for me to feel sympathy for people that I can talk too.

 

I’ll even take it one step further.  There are people in this world who were raised by Nazi’s.  Not the phony, redneck, skinheads we have in this country but honest to God goose stepping Nazi’s, people who actually participated in the Holocaust.  One would imagine these people raised their children with the same beliefs.  Actions need to be taken against these kinds of people.

 

But slavery is so far removed from history that I just can’t bring myself to care.  Does that make me a bad person?

 

Speaking of things that I need your help with I bring you two situations that happened to me over the last couple of days.

 

Situation #1

 

Four Chinese men walk up to my dead game speaking rapid fire Mandarin.  They all buy in for 200 dollars and the floor asks them if they have player’s cards.  We both get a sea of blank faces.  Not the “I speak English but I’m going to pretend I don’t” look but a legitimate blank stare.  So I say, “Do any of you speak English?”  Once again, a sea of blank faces. 

 

I go on to deal to them for an hour, tap off my game and the floor tells me I can’t say that.  I wasn’t trying to be an ass but I said, “Why?”  The floor told me it was rude.  I wasn’t trying to be rude I was just trying to find out if I could communicate with any of them.  Is there something wrong with this question?  I don’t mean to be dense but I don’t get it. 

 

Just for the record, for those of you that know me I wasn’t using my smart ass voice.  I was actually being serious.

 

Situation #2

 

I have one player on first base.  A cocktail waitress is serving drinks to the table on the third base side.  She turns around to face my game, throws a quarter on the table and says, “Can you give me change for this?”  I pulled the quarter in, cut out five red and sent them out.  THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME.  Afterwards I started to wonder if there was anything wrong with that.  I couldn’t think of any reason not to give her change but since it had never happened I thought maybe I should ask.

 

Well, that is all I have for today.

 

Peace, love and good happiness stuff.

 

Matt

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June 17, 2009

Just a suggestion

by @ 5:03 pm. Filed under My life

For the three or four people left in this world who have not seen The Hangover, go and see it on your next day off.  You will not be disappointed.  I can’t wait till it comes out on DVD so I can watch it again and hear all the jokes I missed because everyone was laughing.

Peace, love and good happiness stuff.

Matt

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This just in

by @ 1:14 am. Filed under My life

This article finally has a statement from the attorney for the Tribe laying out the course the Tribe will take if a compact isn’t reached.  This isn’t a surprise, it’s just nice to hear an actual declarative statement from the Tribe.  I like the fact that the Tribe is letting the state know they are prepared to take things to the feds.  I don’t like the possibility of the compact going to feds for the simple reason that it probably take the feds forever to make a decision.  However, I’m glad the Tribe is prepared to take a hard line with the state if they don’t get what they want.

Just for fun you should read some of the comments at the bottom of the article.  A few people have jumped on the crazy train.

Peace, love and good happiness stuff.

Matt

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