Idealcrap

 

One of my favorite writers, CDP, wrote a very funny post about getting lost while using a GPS system.  Since CDP  is not man she doesn’t realize has awesome a GPS is.  All men just “know” that these are one of coolest things in the world.  Reading this not only made me laugh but it made me think about a conversation that I had with the Amazing Asian about this very topic last week.  CDP relates the story of calling her husband for help when she got lost.  I wanted to write about this situation from the guy’s point of view.  I do not in anyway mean to speak for CDP’s husband, who I’m sure is wonderful man, I’m just a typical guy going through the same thing.  Now, I don’t write as well as CDP but I hope this makes you at least giggle.

 

First, I have to give you some background.  Amazing Asian doesn’t drive well.  I normally drive but if I have to get in the passenger seat of her car I white knuckle the hand holds and pray, out loud, until we get to our destination.  She also gets lost on a regular basis.  She was house sitting at a friend of ours.  This is a friend whose house she drives to at least once a week.  So she leaves one night on the way to a house that is literally 20 minutes away.  After about 30 minutes I get a hysterical phone call that went like this.

 

Idealcrap, “Hello sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

Her, “I’m lost.  I don’t know where I am!!”

Idealcrap, “Where’s the GPS?”

Her, “Sitting on the kitchen counter.

Idealcrap, “Why don’t you have with you?”

Her, “Because I know where I’m going.”

Idealcrap, “And yet, your lost.”

 

Dead silence.  At this point I would like to think that she was realizing the logic of my argument and thinking to herself that she would remember to bring the GPS from now on.  In reality, she was probably thinking of ways to kill me in my sleep.

 

Her, “Help me!”

Idealcrap, as I go into the office to get on www.maps.google.com.  “Where are you?”

Her, “I don’t know”

Idealcrap, “If I don’t know where you are I can’t tell you were to go.  Look around and tell me what you see.”

Her, “I don’t see anything its dark.”

Idealcrap, “What road are you on?”

 

She tells me; then she tells me the next street that she is crossing so I can figure out where she is.

 

Idealcrap, “What direction are heading?”

Her, “How the hell would I know?”

Idealcrap, “Look at the compass next to the sunroof buttons.”

Her, “Is that what that is?  I’m going North.”

Idealcrap, “Ok, turn around.  You’re going the wrong way.”

She turns around and starts heading south.

 

Her, “How did I get here?”

Idealcrap, “You went left instead of right.”

Her, “No I didn’t.  How do you know I went the wrong way?”

 

Why do women ask you a question and then not believe you when you tell them the answer.

 

Idealcrap, “Sweetheart, you’re on an island with ONE ROAD.  If you’re going north, you went left.”

Her, “I didn’t make a left.”

Idealcrap, “Ok, you didn’t.”

Her, “So how did I wind up going the wrong way?”

Idealcrap, “I don’t know.”

Her, “Maybe I fell asleep.”

Idealcrap, “That’s comforting.”

 

What is it with women?  Why do they ask questions if they don’t want an answer?  I don’t get it.

 

Thanks for your time.

 

Matt

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